Ten Ninety

     I wish everything could be fixed with Duck Dynasty

or Ninja Turtle band aids...Life can really throw curve balls huh? Sometimes the ball is low and outside. Other times it is a knuckle pitch to the face. Then there are the moments when it is not a ball at all but a grenade that doesn't need impact to explode.
        This past week was like that for me. It was an accumulation of so many things. The past few years a lot has happened in my life. Things that slowly wore me down until I was nothing but a shadow of myself. Physical illness and pain that destroyed my body. Doubt and fear that envenomed my mind and spirit. Sorrow, anger, loss, betrayal. The sting of words of advice that I gave from an open heart that were thrown back in my face. Times of worry that left my nerves frayed.
     I am sure you can relate in one way or another. Something I have learned is this world breaks people. Religious or not, no matter your view point, I believe this is true. This world breaks people. Life breaks people.
       So many times I have felt alone. I felt like I was the only one suffering with a certain problem. Like I was the only one that felt that way. The voice in my head, you know the one, the voice that tells you how pathetic you are. How lazy. How worthless. That nothing you do or say matters. That you are a failure. That voice. The one that tears you down. That voice made me feel like I was the crazy one. That no one would look at me the same if I told them what was going on inside my head. It told me over and over than no one would really, truly understand and worst of all...that no one wanted to.
          Well you know what? That voice LIES. All it does is lie. Yeah sometimes it sounds like the truth but all it take is a tiny twist and the truth is no longer true. And when a truth is no longer true....it is a LIE. White lie, red lie, black lie, flying purple polka-dot lie....all lies.
          So if that voice lies...then what is the truth? The truth is, no one is alone in how they feel. Yes you are you and you are unique but that doesn't mean that people don't care or understand in some way. The truth is you and I are worthy of love, respect, compassion and understanding. For so long, I could tell others that but I didn't believe it about myself. I believed it whole-heartedly for others....but not for me. Because that voice would tell me differently and all it took was me dropping my guard one time and that voice got in and made a little nest in my head.
          But not anymore! I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am strong. You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are you and that is an amazing thing. (that's right YOU! I don't care if your own little voice is saying I'm not talking about you. That I don't know you...well tell it shut up or f-off...because I am talking to YOU) You are worthy and there are people in this world that will love and care for you...for you. For who you are and not what you can do for them. Find those people and cherish them...then be that person for someone else.
          Life is 10% the stuff that is thrown at you and 90% what you choose to do with it. Be strong and do something. I am struggling and fighting right along side you. Let's do something amazing :)

                                                                                                                              ~~Lora

Step one: Finish Book

CHECK!
My first novel is complete. Thanks to my awesome Beta Readers who now control this next step. After some review and revising, it is time for query letters. I am a mess of emotions. There is excitement, pride, and fear. This has been a long work in process and part of me is sad that this stage is over.

A few years ago, a friend of mine and I attended a Dallas Area Romance Writers meeting entitled, Now Finish the Damn Book. If I still lived in the area, I would without a doubt be a part of this awesome group of writers. That meeting did wonders for me because it showed me that writing was hard for everyone (not just me and not just beginners). It showed that time and dedication, fear and pride and excitement, went into the craft and that perfectly fine. The woman that spoke (I wish I could recall her name) dumped bags and bags of rejection letters on the stage. She shared words of encouragement and her ending remarks still stay with me.
My paraphrase goes something like this: No matter how much passion and work you put in, no matter how much you know the process, you cannot take that next step until you finish the damn book.

Maybe I can find her name and thank her. Honestly, I am sad this part is over but hey, I freakin' wrote a novel. I finished the damn book and I am happy to say that I am actually proud of my work. On to the next step. . I have attached a chart that makes me smile everything. (not sure if that is a good thing) I am not sure who came up with this, but I tip my hat to you. Thanks :)

Introduction to my world

  “Where am I again?” The Nigerian man sat before me rubbing his head. He was dark as night with short dreads and a thick accent that coated every word that passed his lips. Young, in his mid-twenties, but just as dead as I was.

“You’re in the Realm.” Crossing the floor of the white room, I sank down next to him, careful not to touch him. He attempted to look at me and instantly had to lie on the floor.

My dark braid fell over my should as I shifted, finding the perfect combination of comforting closeness and distance. Touching wouldn’t be beneficial for either one of us, especially with his energy all but pinging off the walls. Adjusting was difficult for everyone but some, like this man, took it extremely hard. I knew what that was like. I wasn’t supposed to be his Greeter but I had more patience than she had and unlike most, I enjoyed the job.

The man groaned, wrapping his arms around his head. Sitting silent, I gave him time. I have yet to find anyone that enjoyed being sucked through the Vortex. The motion is painful, disorientating. Essentially, the Vortex is having your soul ripped from the living world, and dropped into the Realm. When you land, you land hard.

Keeping my voice just above a whisper, I told him, “I’m Calla.”

This is where my story begins. At least this leg of it. My name is Callista, from Kalliste, Καλλίστη, the most beautiful.  As a girl, I was called Lista. No one, especially my mother felt I deserved my full name. Now, I go by Calla. Calla is who I am. Lista is the girl I was, and Callista is who I will never be.

  

Back Among the Living

       Now that I am back among the land of the living, I am so reading to be back among the dead. :) My surgery went well and it seems my life of physical pain may be nearing an end. *hopelessly crosses fingers* I am ready to write again. To be back in my fantasy world. The condensed (shorter) version of my novel will be done in a matter of weeks, maybe days. The decision to shorten it was mine. Yes I did get some feedback that it was a tad long but I was well aware of that. It is now cut into two books to start off my series.
      Now I am in search of a literary agent. If you are one and you want to take a shot on me, please feel free. :)
                                      But I am not counting on it to be that easy.


          To those of you that follow me on Twitter @LoraDouglas112, read this blog or know me in person, thank you so much for your support. Too often it feels like we walk this life alone not matter what are course is, but I know that you are out there. Know that you are valued and appreciated.
     
             In the next few weeks, I will post sections from my current novel. Please read, post comments, enjoy. Maybe one day in the not too distant future, it will see print.